The Anxiety in Action chapters I have done so far have been a really big milestone for me. Dealing with anxiety all of my life, the hardest part was actually figuring out that anxiety was the thing causing all of my stresses. I was never even aware I had anxiety until I was 23 years old and by that time, it had already driven me to a multitude of bad choices and coping abilities, such as addiction, self-sabotage and other things I plan on covering in the chapters related to anxiety.
My anxiety is debilitating in that, if I do not manage it, it will get the better of me. Managing anxiety has become some what of an art form for me, but I really wish, more than anything, that I had gotten a head start on managing my anxiety long before the age of 23. When i was 12, I was prescribed Ritalin, which was the first indication that I had anxiety, but that was where the trail ended. The guy providing my services, failed me in that sense.. We relied on him knowing what he was doing and he clearly did not.. All of the signs of my anxiety were there from the very beginning, including me chewing holes in every single shirt I owned, from grinding my teeth, having terrible eating habits, undue stress and fear over things that I should not have.. All the signs were there, but as a registered psychologist, he did not recognize them and that really started my frustrations in the wrong direction.. I became angry, at myself and the people around me. Isolation began to take hold.
To begin to understand anxiety, even your own, you have to begin at the beginning of your life and that is where chapter 1 in my book begins, not even with me, but with the people that raised me. The further back you can go, the more access to signs you can have. The truth, is that both of my parents have anxiety as well and theirs was never diagnosed either. Still has not been. I can see it in them. I can see anxiety, like i can see the colour of your hair, because I have spent my entire life trying to identify the signs within myself, unsuccessfully.
My entire family has some form of anxiety or another. My Auntie has super bad anxiety, doing some crazy shit that alienated her from the rest of her family forever. This shit happens every day and if I can some how positively impact this process, that is what I want to do. That is my goal, I suppose.