Attending my second service this weekend, as I had to work last weekend, this one was very enlightening. Unfortunately, the pastor caught me falling asleep half way through, giving me a death stare and it was even more uncomfortable, when the lady that invited me out to the service, introduced me to the pastor, who said it was a pleasure, but maybe there is an understanding.. It was my second time, after all.
The service was about doubting god and although many different stories and preaches were told and made, a lot of it still made sense. The pastor declared that every Christian has their doubts and some do not make it past them. I believe it. Faith is not just in god, but also in everything we do and as the hat comes around, to donate to these causes that the church participates in, such as drilling wells for third world countries, I cannot help but feel moved!
There is no words to describe the community there. Honestly, I have only had one friendship ever, where I felt comfortable going back and fourth with, giving and receiving, knowing I was not going to get fucked over by whomever for giving more than receiving, but it is so refreshing to be in a fucking room full of these people, rather than having one friendship worth of these people in my life, if that makes sense. The people are there for god, but I am beginning to realise that, for many of them, that is all they are there for and as I learn to accept these things, I also have to learn to accept these people in this community into my life and they seem to totally understand my anxiety towards doing something like that. They understand I need time, the pastor even said it directly to me, it made sense to me, but I knew that before I ever spoke to the pastor.
I have faith in god, sure, but I have more much faith in the people that work through him, maybe to much faith, we will have to see how this whole thing pans out.. Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way, but if I am not, the message was received loud and clear.