Is it truly love, if the feelings stem from a place of convenience? When the relationship, when the love, is no longer convenient and fades? I find most love evolves from a place of familiarity, convenience, friendship and proximity.

I do not believe love stems from convenience, but when my eyes meet those of a stranger and our gazes lock, like a dead bolt sliding, it often makes me wonder if convenience is a pre-requisite for love?

Long distance relationships, moreover, the ones that begin before people even meet each other, are great examples of this. Seemingly inconvenient at face value, the long distance relationship actually lends itself to a strange, emotional convenience, for the two parties. Some of these relationships end quickly, others evolve into other shit and others still, become actual relationships, but the constant of emotional convenience, never seems to leave and if it does, the mutual dealings become.. Hollow.

Maybe this emotional convenience is part of the love that makes love such an act, rooted in convenience? Furthermore, I believe people do not want to explore just how convenient the feelings of love can be.. I guess in equal measure, love can also be extremely inconvenient, but only in context to a sense of convenience, since without that benchmark, love would just be love!.. And maybe the idea of love should just be left at that, away from any sort of convenience, but.. I have tried and yet, the trend of convenience just continues anyways.

This is why I make myself an inconvenient lover.. I am afraid of the pitfalls of convenience. Of believing, what I have is love, when in reality, it is just simply convenient. My fear, keeps me distant. Disciplined.. Comfortably lonely, until my gaze, once again, meets that of a stranger and as our eyes lock, we mutually wonder “What if..?” but only until that gaze of convenience is inconveniently broken and we are left to the reality of our lives.

That is my dream, to conveniently meet an inconvenient lover; how fucking silly is that?


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