Being as old as it is, my cellphone being in working order is actually a strange thing. For like.. 8 years now, I have had this now-artifact. I’m not used to having something, in all my interactions with all the shit I interact with, that does not break after 2-3 years. I’ve dropped this phone like 10, maybe 15 times and its screen never broke, although it is so scratched, when the sun glare hits it, the screen becomes heavily obscured.. But hell, I have saw people drop their brand new phones one time and break it.
My cellphone, although durable, cannot use ‘Apps’ and barely has enough memory to browse on ‘Wifi’, beyond checking my emails. I feel like, through this disadvantage, I am missing out on a lot of shit, through having apps, constant internet access and whatever other bullshit I am behind on. I want to upgrade my phone, but I also do not want to pay for a phone that is going to break on the first drop, nor do I want to pay more for extra durability that my current phone just came with and so I keep my artifact phone in use.. I think that may be bullshit, however, since I have had this phone for so long, I feel like letting go of it, may make me almost let go of the memories I have with it, most of which, ironically, I cannot recall.
I think, most of all, I am afraid of the lifestyle change. Let me explain. You always see these commercials or posters “Get the app for deals!” or people who are entrenched in using apps, that wonder how I can simply live without them.. I mean, I watch all these people that are always glued to their phones and I, in turn, wonder how they can live that way and I wonder if I did get the apps and the fancy, expensive phone, if I would be the same way. I think I am scared that if I did get all of that shit, that I would not be glued to my phone like everyone else.. That even though I have every reason to be like them, I would still not be.
I guess, this old phone, is more of a testament, to the fact that I am on a different path than most, not one of connection or unity, but one of reflection and introspection. How ironic, that after, like right after I wrote that, some random ass guy who is parenting 3 children at the table beside me, asks me “How’s the studying going?” as a conversation starter. I solemnly reply “I’m writing.” he replies “Oh, you been doing that long?” and I just reply “Yup,” and keep writing.. Its little moments like those that you have to take a second to appreciate.