After working on and off for months, this consistent shift, of which I have about a week left of, totaling 3 weeks straight, has really got me back onto my game.

One of my other clients I have been working with has constantly been going through this cycle of regressive and progressive behaviors for months on end, making meeting the clients goals, defined by the guardian at the middle of last year, very hard. I have to write a report on how these goals are being met monthly and this cycles context has been deepening with every report. The client will make progress, then weeks later, regress very far back, then later progress again, going back and fourth. At face value, you would focus on the client, but the real focus needs to be on the working part behind the client, the guardian, who dictates what the individual does.

Whenever I enter their home, I see that the house is immaculate every time, which is strange, because the client is not inspired to clean up after themselves and does not, yet is quite messy, meaning the guardian is doing all of the cleaning. The guardian works a full time job as it is and in addition to cleaning and dealing with behaviors, has other commitments… It all just seems to perfect and it is. There is this great effort by the guardian to maintain this perfection because, it is not real. The perfection is a fabrication. A front. A deception.. That is all that perfection ever is, just a very refined form of deception. This guardian wants me to believe they can maintain this environment, while managing their own stress level and.. To accomplish that, unaided, is just not normal. In the past, once or twice last year, I have dropped the client off and saw the guardians pupils the size of saucers. I am a former user myself.. It is no mystery to me, how this guardian maintains this veil of perfection, while managing their stress level. That is a trait that most people who provide intense service for other people possess; we all like to get super fucked up when we can. The party. The big release. The stress dump. I took part in that cycle. My sister did as well and my brother still does, using food as his stress management, now being over 500 pounds himself. Both my parents do as well and even try to keep it from us and each other, it is hilarious and sad all at the same time.

This cycles insurgence is not of the client, but of the guardian and is indicative of the guardians mounting stress level, because the guardian has stopped using drugs to manage their own stress level and is now forced with the reality of actually dealing with that stress and the cycle of progression and regression is the clear sign that they are failing to do so, without the aid of drugs, clearly resulting in the guardian bottling up their stress until they snap on the client, before returning back to taking on stress until the next snap occurs. As a result of this cycle of snapping and stress the guardian is going through, we see the client going through a similar cycle and is unfortunately being exposed to emotional abuse through the guardian snapping at them, causing them to regress and break down the communication between them. Add in the guilt incurred on the guardians mind from snapping and you have yourself a nasty back and fourth going on.

I do not want this to become a witch hunt over using drugs; like I said, most people in these situations use something and the ones that do not typically do a shitty job. I wish I could tell her that I understand, but I am also well aware of the defensiveness of the exposed drug user.. Instead, I have to continue to write these reports for my superiors, while acting dumb, to not arouse the guardians suspicions or my superiors.. And my boss tells me to take it easy on the guardian.. Lol.

Whatever, i’m not worried, I have been doing this for so long, I know there is only one certainty and it is that the stains always come out in the wash and with that being said, I hope you enjoyed looking at last weeks spaghetti sauce, as much as I enjoyed eating it..