Hey guys, so in the past month and a half, I’ve been focusing on meeting people from online dating sites and sampling their experiences; speaking to them about what works, what does not and everything in between.
My own experiences with internet dating often boil down to one thing; trying to find sex. I think many men share that sentiment. Often, how we go about using internet dating sites, outside of their intended purpose, impedes the purpose of the site itself.. We forget to look at the bigger picture of why we are actually using a dating app or site and just focus on what we feel like we want, instead of need.
However, sometimes, as men, we find that sexual experience online. Sometimes, we even find a sexual experience offline and when these things happen, they often happen in a very spontaneous manner. Speaking with some women, some men and sampling some of my own ideas, we find a concept birthed from the spontaneous sexual relation, something called ‘Rape by Regret’. Essentially, this term describes the feeling a woman has after she engages in sexual activity with a man.. Sometimes they may be happy, other times, they may feel full of regret. Regret is a tough thing to deal with and often, to rationalize their own regret, a woman may simply claim rape, out of a sexual experience that was completely consensual and this idea becomes super problematic for the man when the law is involved, because with spontaneity, comes a lack of information about the transpired events.. Where as a sexual experience could of been consensual, without any evidence, it could be viewed as not consensual.
In this book I am writing, I try to briefly touch on this topic, while providing some very basic strategies to avoid this scenario all together.. Yes, this is a super sensitive topic, littered with grey areas and emotional turmoil.. However, all the same, this is a conversation that people need to begin having, which is why I am creating this blog post about it. I do not want ‘Rape by Regret’ to get swept under the carpet, because in truth, these false claims can actually further impede our already heavily impeded legal system and make people who are legitimate victims of rape, seem less credible.. This is not my intention, but rather, to give these people who are victims of rape, more credibility, through exposing the fake claims and thus, freeing up the resources that may be committed to investigating them in the first place.
I am not trying to offend anyone and if I am, I am sorry, but all the same, just as there are victims of rape, there are also men who never committed any rape and are still branded a rapist, simply because of a woman’s regret over the experience. We all know that feeling, when we make a mistake like that, but that is all it is, a mistake and there is no need to become vindictive because we cannot deal with our feelings about the consensual experience.
If you’d like to have a discussion in the comments below, please do so, but make it respectful, not just to the victims of rape, but also the victims of ‘Rape by Regret’. Thanks for reading.